Some amazing facts~

Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to bespoken of when dead.

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a waythat you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accident all falls into a river.

Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says inmidway "See I am not injured yet."

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills. ...

Not so funny, But ok la!~~

here, some Singaproean jokes:

Why did Kok Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed!
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Kok Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Kok Beng: "Do you have color TV?"Salesgirl: "Yes!"
Kok Beng: "Give me a green one, please"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Kok Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Kok Beng: "What is that shiny object?"Salesgirl: "That is a thermos flask."
Kok Beng: "What does it do?
"Salesgirl: "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Kok Beng: "I'll buy it"
The next day, Kok Beng goes to work with his thermo flat.
Boss: "What is that shiny object?"
Kok Beng: "It's a thermos flask."
Boss: "What does it do?"
Kok Beng: "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss: "What do you have in it?"
Kok Beng: "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"
(I have to say the boss was quite dumb coz he didn't know what a thermos flask is used for.)
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

After taking photocopies of documents, Kok Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Kok Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Kok Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL." Kok Beng replies,
"SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS".
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

At a bar in New York, the man to Kok Beng's left tells the bartender,"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE" and his companion says,"JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Kok Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
Kok Beng replies: "Tan Kok Beng, MARRIED"

====== ? ? ? ? ? ? ======

Another one :-DDDD

This is much more interesting!!! Enjoy readin it!!

Okay, here it goes. Ahmad, Muthu and Ah Beng were 3 good friends.

Ahmad died in a fire and his body was so badly burnt that the morgue needed someone to identify the body.They called up his two best friends, Ah Beng andMuthu.

Ah Beng went in first and the mortician pulled backthe sheet.
Ah Beng said,"Wah lau eh... he's very barbecued like 'char siu'..!!!. Please roll him over,and I will tell you whether if he's my friend Ahmad ornot."
The mortician rolled the body over and Ah Benglooked at his ass and immediately said, "No-lah,no-lah.. that isn't Ahmad. Heng ah..!"
The mortician was puzzled but didn't say anything.

He then went and got Muthu to inspect the body.
Muthu looked closely and said, "Aiyoyo.. it is true he'sburnt very badly, but roll him over and I'll see if he's my friend Ahmad."
Again the mortician rolled thebody over and Muthu looked down at the ass and said,"Aiyoyo.. thank goodness, this is not Ahmad!!"
The mortician was extremely puzzled, and unable to stand it any longer he asked, "Okay, you have to tell me now - how can you and Ah Beng tell whether it is Ahmad just by looking at the ass?!?!??"

Muthu replied, "It's simple really. Well you see, Ahmad had two assholes..!!"
"What?!!" the mortician said with disbelief, "He had two assholes?!??!"
"Oh yes! Everyone in Penang Road knows this because everytime the three of us go out, people always say,"Here comes Ahmad with the two assholes."

..............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...............Laugh Out Loud Please!!!haha!!!!

Funny joke:-D

There are 3 nuns that have just died.

They float up to heaven and St. Peter is waiting at the gate.

He says if you each answer 1 question correctly, you will be allowed in Heaven.

He says to the 1st one: 'Who was the first man on earth?'
She replied...''oooh thats so easy - it's adam.'
St Peter said 'Right, you're in.'

He says the 2nd one: 'who was the first woman on earth?'
She replied...'ooooh thats so easy - it's eve.'
St Peter said 'right, you're in. '

He says to the 3rd one - 'what did eve first say to adam?'
She said out loud - 'ooh thats a hard one.'
St. Peter said 'Right, you're in. '

*guffaws* geddit? That's sooooooo funny!!