Catcher in the Rye

I wish there was a Catcher in the Rye to catch me when I was falling off the cliff.

Chapman went to New York in October 1980 planning to kill (John) Lennon.

Around 10:49 p.m., the Lennons' limousine returned to the Dakota. Lennon and Ono passed by Chapman and walked toward the archway entrance of the building's courtyard. From the street, Chapman turned and fired five hollow point bullets from a Charter Arms .38 revolver that he had purchased in Hawaii, four of which hit Lennon's back and shoulder.

Chapman remained at the scene, took out his copy of The Catcher in the Rye and read it until the police arrived.

In his statement to police three hours later, Chapman stated, "I’m sure the large part of me is Holden Caulfield, who is the main person in the book. The small part of me must be the Devil.

A friend recommended The Catcher in the Rye to Chapman, and the story eventually took on great personal significance for him, to the extent that he reportedly wished to model his life after its protagonist, Holden Caulfield.



This is eerie.

不飞的鸟

我是一只鸟。一只特别的鸟。特别的地方在于，我害怕高度，所以我不飞翔。如果鸟的定义是会飞翔的动物，那么我就不是鸟，因为我失去了鸟存在在这世界上的意义。

我和别的鸟没什么两样，同样出生在树上的鸟窝。但是，一次毁灭性的经验令我从此害怕高度-我从鸟窝里坠落到地面上。我从此不敢张开翅膀，像其他鸟儿一样自由地徜徉在天空的怀抱里。

我不知道我为何会存在这世上，如果说世上万物都是造物者的光荣，那么我值得他光荣的地方在哪？我倒想问问他，如果他一开始就设定我是畏惧高度的，那为什么他偏偏要我是一只鸟？这些不会有答案的问题让我厌倦生活，甚至开始愤世嫉俗，所看到的一切都觉得不顺眼。

我不飞，所以我只能走路。我一天走不了多远，因为我的两只脚很瘦弱。走得累了，便站在路旁休息，休息够了，就继续走，像路上的行人一样，只是我没有一个明确的目的地。那么你可能会问，那为什么你还夜以继日的走? 因为除了走，我不知道我还能做什么。肚子饿了，就找食物。我不能到树枝上寻找食物，所以我是否能填饱肚子完全取决于我的运气。我连作梦都希望天空作美，下起倾盆大雨，让湿润的土地冒出很多虫子。

然而，有一天，我遇到了他。他也是一只鸟，只是他是一只断了翅膀的鸟。我遇见他的时候，我心里冒起了阵阵的涟漪，是什么原因，我自己也说不上。我的脑里当时只有两个字：同类。他和我一样，都不飞翔，我们都是异类。也许是这个原因，我们一拍即合。我这才知道同类的重要性。同类让你的生活不枯燥，因为你们有共同的话题。同类让你知道你并没有被世界所遗忘，因为他总能明白你种种的情绪。

于是，我们一起走路，一起找食物，我们成了彼此唯一的好朋友。我终于感受得到快乐。

只是，当我有一天注视着他时，我开始怀疑我感到快乐是因为我找到了同类，抑或是觉得我们同样不能飞翔，但至少我有一双完整的翅膀？我快乐，是因为我找到了比自己更糟糕的个体吗？我不敢，也不想寻求答案，我只希望我们能继续一起走，直到我们其中一个离开对方为止。

After dinner, I went back home with an absolutely fatigue body. The strong wind was blowing and my mind wasn't refreshed by the chilliness at all. I fastened my pace, hoping to reach home earlier. I didn't want to stay outside any longer - right at the moment, I wished I had the ability to teleport.

***

I stared at the monitor of my laptop. I tried very hard to comprehend the mathematics equations on the lecture notes, but to no avail. My mind went completely blank. I needed a rest, I thought. However, I didn't go to bed immediately. The desire to finish the lecture notes grew stronger before I could make a move to the bed.

***

Suddenly, someone opened the door of my room. Shocked, I opened my eyes. I was on the bed, but the room was pitch dark, I couldn't see anything, except a thin ray of light shining into the room through the crack of the door. A silhuette loomed into my sight, it was so silent and my heart beat was way too loud for the atmosphere. I opened my mouth, wanted to speak.



There is a draft dated 11/3/2009 in my blog! I'd totally forgotten about it. I remember I wrote this after I finish reading Murakami's The Wind-up Bird Chronicle. Darkness, concept of time, suspense. lol. It doesn't look like something that I'd write.